Kodak Moments
Seperation. Me and the rest of the world. This is the main thing that goes through your head when you step into a new life, moving away from everything you know and starting over. Nothing is familiar, and life becomes that much more sureal. It was mostly like this now, except for one thing, one person that i couldnt get my mind off of. My first day in my new school, sitting in the back of class, (not exactly listening to the teacher going over his course curiculum) I went back to yesterday…
I ran my hand along the brick wall on my way to sunday school. It was my second time going to this church, the ward had already made the never changing warm welcome to the new coming family; I therefore walked undisturbed by ambushes of beaming, well dressed people trying to shake my hand. The brick felt rough on my finger tips as i kept walking, knowing i had to go to class, cause my mom would be sure to check with my teacher later to see if i was there.
Despite all my promises to relinquish my life before Heber and start over, i found my self in brood mode. I stared at the floor everywhere i went, speaking only when spoken to, and only in short, ‘get the job done and get out’ sentences. I kept remembering life in American Fork, finding it harder than i thought to forget everything. I had memorized this church by it’s floors in the two times i had been in there, which was simple. For some reason floors seem a lot more memorable than anything else.
I walked into my class, not looking at who was already there or not, and slumped down in a chair in the darkest corner the small room had to offer. They felt the need to make me feel welcome, and i just wanted to be alone in my room at home. I wanted to not only forget my past, but i wanted to forget any hopes for a future, i wanted to be non existent, i wanted to burn on the spot and disappear forever. I heard them all laughing and joking, talking about the awesome summer they had had, about all the new teachers they were going to have in school the next morning, about the connections they had forged together as friends. I had non of that. i was the anomaly, the freak, and i wanted to be done with it all.
It was then that i heard a new voice, one that i hadent heard last Sunday, and in spite of my undying need to prove to the world that i was not part of it, I decided to interact with it. I looked up.
Her name was Ivie. She had been sitting right next to me in church yesterday… And when I shook her hand, saw her smile, and heard that voice, i felt welcome in Heber for the first time ever…
You always talk about how perfect Heber was. Is American Fork honestly so terrible? Maybe you’d be better off if you’d stayed there. You’d be happier that way.